The 40 Day Journey - Day 12 (The Drop Box)

Tonight a few of us went to see the new film called The Drop Box.  Here is a description from their website:

The Drop Box tells the story of South Korean pastor Lee Jong-rak and his heroic efforts to embrace and protect the most vulnerable members of society. It is a heart-wrenching exploration of the physical, emotional and financial toll associated with providing refuge to orphans that would otherwise be abandoned on the streets. But The Drop Box movie is also a story of hope—a reminder that every human life is sacred and worthy of love.

It was not what I expected. (I have got to stop saying that! I think that is my new mantra.) The story is so much bigger than one Pastor. His story was not glorified.  His story is difficult.  There has been a great cost to him to obey Christ. I think so at least.

This week I am asking God to show me what it means to "count the cost" in following Christ.  What it means to die to oneself.  What it means to pick up my cross and follow Him.

Back to Pastor Lee.  I feel like if I asked him what it "cost" him to care for 15 children (most of whom have deformities and disabilities) I think he would list all of the benefits instead. He  is clearly walking the path the Lord has placed before him.  To do anything else, simply does not make sense. This man has very little (in the world's eyes), his health is failing since he is constantly caring for his own children, plus he rescues about a child a day through the box on the side of his house.

The true cost if he does NOT follow Christ, if he does not carry his cross, would be hundreds of babies dying in the streets of South Korea. I hope to hear from God more about this idea of the cost in NOT obeying Christ, or following Him whole-heartedly. Stay tuned...

The 40 Day Journey - Day 11 (The Cost)

It is a brand new week on my 40 Day Journey.  Yesterday was a welcomed Sabbath Day. How good it was to be in the House of the Lord.  I asked God to refresh me yesterday and give me direction for this week as I seek Him.

While last week was difficult exploring brokenness, it was really good to spend several days considering what the Lord was revealing.  Letting the Truth take root.  I asked God if there was something for this week.

This is what kept coming to mind.  We can be tempted to "sell" Christianity through stories of grace, joy, hope, and love.  We promise a better tomorrow. Then once we start walking with Christ we are met with trials, persecution, and suffering.

Are we doing anyone a favor by not sharing the cost of following God?  I don't know.  If we told unbelievers what was in store for them in this life, would they run in the opposite direction?

So this week, I really want to hear from God what it costs to follow Him.  Will I truly understand or appreciate what I have if I don't know the cost?

I have no idea the path God will lead me down this week, what I will explore or find. Again, I enter this time by faith, not knowing what will be revealed.  I do trust that as I call to Him, He will answer me. (Jeremiah 33:3)

I hadn't planned on including songs each time, but I came across this one.  It is my hope I can sing this with full conviction at the end of this week.

The Cost by Rend Collective Experiment

The 40 Day Journey - Day 10 (Broken Vessels)

At the beginning of this week I felt as if God was asking me to deal with something I've avoided for awhile.  Brokenness.  I wrote, "I will search for treasure in brokenness."  And that was my task this week.  To listen to God and hear why He allows difficulty into our lives...into mine.

Today I look back.  What did He show me?  

He showed me a lot of hurt.  However, He also showed me His faithfulness in that hurt. He showed me purpose in my pain.  He showed me His lavish love poured out into every part of my life.  He showed me His strengthening and His sweet comfort.

I asked for a verse to bring this week to a close.  Here it is:

"But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the surpassing greatness of the power may be of God and not from ourselves."  2 Corinthians 4:7

I had no idea on Monday as I wrote that line...searching for treasure in brokenness, that I would find Christ in me!  We have this treasure...the power of Christ, in these earthen, broken vessels...in us.

These "earthen vessels" are very ordinary and common, they are weak and easily broken. They are not particularly beautiful and by no means extraordinary.  So we were chosen on purpose: the weak, the wounded, the blemished, the hurting, so Christ would be revealed, His power on display in us. Amazing.  Amazing Grace.

Not sure I can say it any better than this song: Broken Vessels (Amazing Grace) by Hillsong.

...All these pieces, broken and scattered

In mercy gathered, mended and whole

Empty handed, but not forsaken

I've been set free, I've been set free

Oh I can see it now, Oh I can see the love in Your eyes

Laying Yourself down, raising up the broken to life

You take our failure, You take our weakness

You set your treasure in jars of clay

So, take this heart Lord, I'll be your vessel

The world to see, Your love in me

May your mourning, your trials, you burdens, bring God glory.
His power displayed in these broken vessels for the world to see.

The 40 Day Journey - Day 9 (Bloopers)

Okay, maybe I don't have bloopers to share, but since I started this process with a "pilot" episode 9 days ago, I thought I'd give a behind the scenes type of post tonight.

Yesterday was a difficult post.  I reread it today and it looks so neat and tidy.  There is a beginning, middle, and end.  A scripture, a song, a message. It's all there.  But what no one can see was the entire day it took to get to the last sentence.

I don't want to look back at that post and forget all it took to get there.  So here is the look behind the post, at what it took to get to the finished product.

8:20am - I had an unexpected extra 40 minutes before Moms in Prayer.  I decided to go for a walk and try to fit in my hour with God (should of figured I couldn't pull one over on Him).

8:30am - Walked past the off leash dog park, noticed a little dog trying to catch up to his master, when he finally reached him, he was welcomed with a treat.  I thought what a perfect illustration as we reach our master, He gives us a little treat.  No, scratch that...not a good illustration :)

Not inspiring...

8:35am - Walked past the red barns and noticed something I'd never seen before...was this the illustration of the day? (Spoiler alert: No)

8:40am - Daniel had noticed the tunnel under Steilacoom Blvd the other day. I decided to walk there and snap a picture, maybe this would inspire me.  When I got there, I was greeted by litter, goose poop, and graffiti...okay, scratch that one too.

9:00am - Moms in Prayer

10:45am - Home to my "meeting place" in hopes of inspiration.  I sat quiet with the Lord for quite awhile, too many thoughts in my head, so I wrote them out on a yellow steno pad. Nothing stood out.

12:30pm - Work, pick up kids, band, dinner, basketball, laundry, homework, life...

9:00pm - Blank page.  Cursor flashing.  What was God saying to me today?

I had so many thoughts for this day...good ones too.  I finally relented and asked God one more time, what was He saying?  I knew it had to include the character of God from that morning.  God is able.  And I felt like God was saying to make it personal.  This had to be something for me...I'm pretty good at deflecting and guarding my heart...this was not the time for that.

I asked God for an example from scripture of Him being able. I really wanted to use the story of Abraham and Isaac.  It is such a beautiful picture of faith and Abraham's belief that God was able to bring his son back from the dead if necessary, in order to fulfill His promise.

However, the story was to be Daniel's three friends and the fiery furnace.  At the same time I was listening to worship songs, trying to find the one God wanted.  I had the perfect one, God is Able by Hillsong...perfect right?  I listened to it probably 20 times.  No, that wasn't it.  I went through another list of songs and nothing.

I continued to write, finally digging deeper to what was happening in my heart.  I admitted to God how I had been disappointed with His "No" answers to so many of my requests.  My former blog "Benched" would not leave my thoughts.

I typed, deleted, listened, prayed, read scriptures.  It honestly was exhausting.  And then I came across the song I posted, Healer by Planetshakers. There is a line that says, "You walk with me through fire..." and it was if the whole day was coming together.  "God, that is why the story of the fiery furnace" I almost said out loud.  The song continues with repeating lines of "Nothing is impossible for You and I trust in You".  And the tears fell.  He finally broke through and gave me my treasure of the day.  (You'll have to read the post here to find out what it was.)

So the lesson for today?  There is so much more going on than what we can see. (see 2 Kings 6:17) When someone reads my blog, they see the finished work. They don't see all that it took to get there. The Bible says that God has begun a good work in us, I'm glad I cannot see all that it is going to take to complete that work.  But He promises to finish His work in me...and nothing is impossible for Him!

Song: Finish What He Started by MercyMe

The 40 Day Journey - Day 8 (When God says "No")

It's Thursday, which means it was a Moms in Prayer day. This week's attribute of God: He is able. We prayed 2 Corinthians 9:8 over each of our children:
"And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that always having all sufficiency in everything, you may have an abundance for every good deed."

In the story of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-nego, Nebuchadnezzar, the king, had made a 90 foot tall golden image. He demanded that everyone would bow and worship it when the music played.  Well, these three guys knew better than to worship anything but the One True God.  Long story short, they refused to bow to this idol and were found guilty.  The punishment: death by fiery furnace.

And this is their response:

"If it be so, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the furnace of blazing fire; and He will deliver us out of your hand O king.  But even if He does not, let it be known to you, O king, that we are not going to serve your gods or worship the golden image that you have set up." Daniel 3:17-18

We know that God did deliver them.  In fact Jesus was with them in that furnace and not one of them even smelled like smoke, let alone were scorched!  A true miracle.

What amazes me is the trust and faith these men had in God. From the tone of the text, we don't see panic or fear or pleading.  We see quiet confidence, that God is a God of miracles.  However, if God would have had said "No" to these three men, their trust in God would have been unwavering.

Is it enough to know that He is able?  That He is all powerful?  Even if He does not answer our requests the way we desire? Does our trust waver if He says "No"?

I wrote a blog last year titled "Benched".  I was really struggling with the direction and purpose God had for me, I felt like He was repeating "No" over and over again, leaving my heart breaking for unrealized dreams.

What I see now is that God was able to say yes to all of those requests.  But in His great love for me, He said "No".  I still have some of those same requests and His answer remains the same. I've said it before and I'll say it again, this life is not what I expected.

And now I wonder if possibly each time God says "No" just maybe it isn't my heart that is breaking, maybe it is my will...being traded for His.  He is able to make all things new, even my hopes and dreams.  Pretty soon maybe they will match, my dreams and His dreams for me, and then His answer will be "Yes".

Song: Healer by Planetshakers

The 40 Day Journey - Day 7 (Ashes and Oaks)

Today I was pondering brokenness in mourning.  There have been several deaths these last couple months in the lives of my friends and family.  The calendar is an annual reminder of an anniversary of the death of a loved one for many of us.  There is much to grieve.

I opened my Bible to Isaiah 61 and paused at verse 3:

"To grant those who mourn in Zion,
Giving them a garland instead of ashes,
The oil of gladness instead of mourning,
The mantle of praise instead of a spirit of fainting.
So they will be called oaks of righteousness,
The planting of the LORD, that He may be glorified."

I have always wondered why this verse says God will give beauty for ashes (as it says in the KJV). I love as we dig into God's Word how we can find deeper meaning into the words displayed.

The Matthew Henry commentary says:
"Here is an elegant paronomasia (a kind of play on words) in the original.  He will give them pheer - beauty for epher - ashes.  He will turn their sorrow into joy as quickly and as easily as you can transpose a letter: for He speaks and it is done."

I wanted more time to ponder this so I asked God for a meeting place. I've been exploring this idea of a "meeting place" with God for the past several months. It could be a favorite chair at home.  At times I imagine being in one of the Bible Stories. And sometimes I go somewhere. So when I asked God for a meeting place, we ended up at the cemetery. (appropriate right?)

New Tacoma Cemetery

It was very fitting as I drove into the cemetery to contemplate mourning that the gray clouds and mist were there to greet me. (It was all sun and blue skies yesterday)

This picture is taken near my mom's grave. I don't take it for granted that in this spacious burial place, this is the only spot with water and paths. No kidding.  The two things that speak to me most clearly, and they greet me every time I come here.

Anyway, I took a walk through the streets of this hallowed ground.  It was an unusual feeling to experience peace in the midst of a place associated with great mourning.  As I looked around I noticed the many oak trees. Wait, the end of the above verse mentions oak trees...

So I have ashes and oak trees.  What is the Lord saying through these two things? Covering oneself in ashes is an outward expression of an inner sorrow.  Oak trees are a outward example of inner strength. One is death, the other life.  The first rests on this earth, the second stretches toward heaven. As I think of that cemetery, the place of mourning I can't help but think of the contrast of the ashes below the headstones and the oaks above the dirt.  Mourning lasts for a moment but His joy endures forever.

And it is starting to make sense.  God gives us beauty, gladness, and praise in place of ashes, mourning, and a spirit of fainting. As we walk through our brokenness, God does His work in us...giving beauty for ashes, and we are strengthened. You know why?  So that we will be called oaks of righteousness. The planting of the LORD, that He may be glorified!

And there is today's treasure.  This process of trading hurt for healing, sorrow for joy...is strengthening us.  And this is not for us, it is that the Lord may be glorified!  Beauty will come from these ashes.  We can trust that nothing is wasted, not our brokenness and not our mourning.

Song: Nothing is Wasted, Jason Gray

The 40 Day Journey - Day 6 (Darkness)

My devotional this morning opened with this verse from Isaiah 45:3

And I will give you the treasures of darkness, 
And hidden wealth of secret places, 
In order that you may know that it is I, 
The LORD, the God of Israel, who calls you by your name. 

When I am struggling with brokenness, it definitely feels like darkness is my constant companion.  I can feel alone and hopeless. What the enemy would like me to believe is that in the darkness nothing grows, nothing is seen, I am forgotten.  It feels like there is no purpose and these days, months, years are wasted.

What is true is that there are treasures of darkness that God allows in our lives, in my life.

In Isaiah 45 we are introduced to Cyrus, King of Persia.  The thing is, we are told about what God will do through him, before Cyrus is even born!  Before this man even takes his first breath as a baby, God has treasures of darkness planned for him.  And the purpose? That he would know God. God calls him by name and has purpose for him, even in darkness...maybe especially in the darkness.

God shows His sovereignty in verse 7,  "The One forming light and creating darkness, causing well-being and creating calamity; I am the LORD who does these."

The truth is, God forms light AND creates darkness.  These are both from God's hand.  Who are we to want only part of what God has to offer?  If God is in control of all things and allows darkness into our lives for a season, we can trust Him to mine for the treasure that is hidden there.

Kristian Stanfill sings one of my favorite songs, In Christ Alone.  One line stands out as I consider God's purposes, "When darkness falls, I find my hope in Christ alone."  When darkness falls.  If you've walked with Christ very long, you know darkness.  Have you considered it to be a treasure?  This is new for me, but I believe that in my broken moments, when darkness falls, we do find our hope in Christ alone.  There is no other.  

As Stanfill talks about this song he says, "Worship is our weapon that leads us out of the darkness."  It doesn't magically transport us to a better place, it leads us out...and this is my treasure today.  There is a way out of the darkness. This is part of my journey. Christ alone has the power to lead me out.  So I will worship and follow Him into His glorious light.

Song: In Christ Alone, Kristian Stanfill