The 40 Day Journey - Day 5 (Treasure in Brokenness)

I've developed a fun hobby over the last few years, searching for beach glass. Any time we are on a rocky beach, it is always a treasure hunt to find the perfect piece of glass.  If the edges are sharp, we throw it back in the water since it is not quite "done yet". If the hard edges have become smooth and the color is just right, it is a keeper.

Kauai with Lily and Kaileia 2012

I have two favorite moments searching for beach glass.  One was on Kauai with my sister and niece and the other in California with Kirstin. Both of these beaches have an abundance of glass.  The beach in Hawaii was a garbage dump that started over 100 years ago.  Someones junk has literally become our prize.

And this introduces my time with God this coming week.

California with Kirstin 2013

For a few years God has been teaching me about brokenness.  Life has not been super easy.  There are broken pieces in my life, disappointments, unmet expectations, hurts, loss...the edges are sharp and unforgiving to this tender heart.  But just like the broken glass that gets discarded in the ocean, with a little tossing and churning, coarse sand, and time...something beautiful emerges.

I think God is asking me to spend some time with Him on this.  So, more like Washington beaches, where you have to really search for the valuable piece of milky beach glass...I will search for the treasure in brokenness.  I have to admit, I am doing this with caution.  I'm not sure I want to find all the answers.

I am resolved though since God confirmed this to me in multiple ways this morning.  In case I want to chicken out, here is a list of how He made the way clear for this part of the journey.

Within the first few hours of Day 5:

• I woke up at 5 a.m. this morning.  I had an hour before the alarm was going to go off and I could hit snooze.  This rarely happens and when it does, my response every time is to go back to sleep, every time.  But God reminded me about our appointment and I got up.  
• I read a devotional by Charles Spurgeon that was really encouraging toward this idea of brokenness and then on the way to work, the radio announcer quoted Charles Spurgeon!  
• The quote, "Because He's the living God, He can hear.  Because He's a loving God, He will hear." Another confirmation that God wants to hear from me and wants to respond.
•  And the final thing, the first message I opened this morning was a song sent to me by a dear friend with the line: "All who are broken, lift up your face..."  from Come As You Are by David Crowder (YouTube version)

So this week, I will lift up my face and seek His.  I'm pretty sure a treasure is waiting to be found.

The 40 Day Journey - Day 4 (Hello?)

I did another walk today for my hour with the Lord.  I really wanted to hear from Him, what He would have to say, with no agenda of my own.

I just cleared my head and tried to think of nothing.  I am not sure if this is a good or bad thing...but I succeeded.  It was a little strange since it seems there is a constant tape playing in my mind throughout the day.  (I sometimes think my brain has A.D.D. you know what I mean...squirrel!)

It was quiet for a long time and I have to admit I got a little bored.  I then tried to think of a little something generic to prompt Him.  Still nothing.  I ended up getting back in my car and driving home. No great revelation or special word.

On the way home I admitted to God that I really did have several things for Him today and specifically a couple things that are really on my heart.  I'm not sure, but I think the reason He was quiet was because He was waiting for me to come to Him with those things.

Part of today's journey

What I realized today is that God made me with strengths and weaknesses, likes and dislikes, joys and struggles.  He made me with purpose and with traits specifically to me.  Who I am is important to our relationship.  He doesn't speak to all of us in the same way.  He doesn't have saved speeches that He pulls out to recite to us.  ("Let's see, let's try number 487 today on Nancy")

He wants to know what is on my heart and He wants to respond.  Yes, He already knows what's on my heart, He is God after all, but He wants us to tell Him.  Then listen.  And we continue in this dance, until He is leading and we are responding.

So tomorrow is Sunday, my "break" from my 40 Day Journey.  I'm looking forward to a new week beginning on Monday.  Now that I know He wants to hear from me, I have a whole list of things for Him....this may take longer than 40 days!

Happy Sabbath to you all~

The 40 Day Journey - Day 3 (Idiot?)

Today I took Daniel to Super Cuts to claim our free haircut. (See, it is worth hanging on to those punch cards for 2 1/2 years!)  There was a young Vietnamese guy just cleaning up his station. He quickly came over and helped us.  His accent was pretty thick and I had to ask him to repeat himself a few times. He was super polite and had a kind smile. He asked how we'd like Daniel's hair cut. I asked him to clip the sides with a size four blade and scissor cut the top. Then I said, "And can you just make sure you don't cut the bangs straight across?"

He smiled a knowing smile and said with a slight hesitation, "We don't want him looking like an...idiot."  He used that last word almost with a question mark and let it hang in the air for a minute.  I wasn't sure what to say until I realized he had been searching for the right word.  I just smiled and said, "Yes, he needs to look cool!"

My handsome boy!

This guy was so sweet, there is no way he meant to use the word idiot!  And I did not want to embarrass him by correcting him (after all, what word would I use?)

So what does this have to do with my hour with God today?

I was thinking how easy it is to misunderstand God, or something in the Bible. We read a word written in English that was originally written in another language and we "interpret' it in our own understanding.

A few of us are encouraging one another to memorize 24 passages of scripture this year. Debbie and I ended up both memorizing part of 1 Corinthians 13 (we all choose our own verses).  Verse 7 says, "it (love) does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth."  We were both curious about wrongdoing and truth being put at odds with one another. I decided to look up the original word and figure out what was actually meant.

Wrongdoing is translated from the Greek word "adikia".  It speaks of a disregard for that which is right, it is translated as unrighteousness or injustice.  In 1 John 5:17 it is defined as sin.

So back to the verse.  Love does not rejoice at sin, or injustice, or unrighteousness. Guilty. Why do I feel better about myself (rejoice) when someone else fails?  It's as if there is this magic measuring rod and if someone else can blow it bigger than I can, then somehow I'm not quite as bad of a person. Wrong!  The Truth is we are all guilty.  We all sin.  We are all unrighteous.

William MacDonald writes, " There is a certain mean streak in human nature which takes pleasure in what is unrighteous, especially if an unrighteous act seems to benefit one's self.  This is not the spirit of love.  Love rejoices with every triumph of the truth."

I was just hoping for a correct definition to a word in my time with God today, not for conviction!

So let's stop comparing ourselves to one another (rejoicing at wrongdoing).  And in the wise words of our new Vietnamese friend, let's not look like idiots. :)  Instead, let us rejoice with the truth, our common bond, we are all in need of a Savior.

The 40 Day Journey - Day 2 (God Rescues)

"Because he has loved Me, therefore I will deliver him; 
I will set him securely on high, because  he has known My name.  
He will call upon Me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble; 
I will rescue him, and honor him.  
With a long life I will satisfy him, and let him behold My salvation."        
                                                                      Psalm 91:14-16

Thursday mornings are one of my favorites.  A few of us gather to pray for our elementary school kids. Each week we focus on an attribute of God to pray over our kids and the staff.  Today's attribute was "God Rescues" (One who saves or delivers).  We each take a turn reading a scripture that relates to the attribute.

Often times the verses from our prayer time end up speaking to me throughout the day. Today was no different. Today I had to wrestle through it though.  I spent my hour with God meditating on this passage.  As I read Psalm 91, I could not stop thinking about those 21 precious Egyptian men, that loved Jesus and were beheaded last weekend.  Why didn't God rescue them?
 
How do I reconcile the fact that His Word says He rescues, yet these beloved men were held captive and then murdered in a foreign country.  I don't take this lightly, my heart genuinely breaks and wonders, how can these two truths fit together?

Focus on the Family was able to report some facts about these men.  The following is from their website:

• These young Christians were in their early to mid-20's. They went to Libya in search of work to help feed their families living under the poverty line in Egypt.
• In the days and weeks leading up to their deaths, their ISIS captors tortured them and attempted to persuade them to deny Jesus in return for living.
• They all refused to deny Christ.
• They all died on that beach singing songs to Jesus.

(Read the full article here: Focus on the Family Article)

I realized I was looking at these men in their orange jump suits waiting to be executed through my own eyes and not the Lord's. I found it ironic that these captors were offering "life" to these men if they denied Christ.  What the captors did not understand was that by claiming Christ these believers are now more alive than ever.  

God in His tenderness revealed to me that these very verses that I thought were a contradiction to these deaths were actually fulfilled in the most beautiful way. "Because they loved Jesus..." God was with them!  We see the images on the news, each face. What we don't see is Jesus, but He was there.

God did deliver them, He heard them, He answered, He rescued them and brought them home, and now He honors them.

The article I mentioned above made note that these men  were not mere victims, but that they are more than conquerors whose ultimate sacrifice is a powerful testimony to their faith in Jesus. (Romans 8:37)

So often my sight is limited by the boundaries I want to put on God.  I am one-dimensional in my view of the world. His ways are always higher and multi-dimensional.  I am pretty sure we will never know all ways this event will bring glory to God.  We won't see the lives that will be changed because of this moment in history when the enemy thought he had the victory.

If you are struggling with understanding a truth of scripture with an event in your own life, wrestle through it.  Ask God to show you how the two fit together.  I think He really likes it when we come to Him with our questions and doubts.  And He will answer...His Word says so.

The 40 Day Journey - Day 1 (Abide)

John 15:9  Just as the Father has loved Me, I have also loved you; abide in My love.

Wednesdays are my day "off".  I figured I should schedule my hour with God early in the day to make sure it happened.  I wanted to be outside and figured a walk would be a good way to be quiet and listen for His voice.  I had the perfect place.  Chambers Bay.  It has the Puget Sound on one side and trails and paths all the way around.  Surely God would speak to me in this place.   I began my walk and did all my "tricks" to quiet my mind.  Why is that so hard?  I asked God to remove all distractions and random thoughts and to allow me to hear His voice.

It was quiet for a long time, I focused on the sounds around me.  I decided to take a few pictures of anything that caught my eye.  A pothole.  The trail.  A sign.  I noticed a bench facing the water, I took a picture and then heard my first message.  Sit with me.  I reminded God that I only had an hour and I didn't have that much time. Alas, I consented and sat.  I listened.  The only thing that came to mind was Abide.  Just stay awhile, and that is what I did.  I just sat silently.  You know you are really comfortable with someone when you can just sit and be quiet together.

After awhile I sensed it was time to move on, I headed up the winding, steep hill.  I still wasn't sure what God had for me today so I kept listening.  At the top of this hill is an incredible view.  The islands, the water, the mountains, they are all breathtaking.  But all I was drawn to was the golf course below.  Really?  With all the things I love right in front of me, God spoke to me through a man made sports field.  (Yes, I am shaking  my head). 

A few things stood out, the most noticeable was that the landscape was very diverse. There are so many parallels to real life:  water hazards, grounds under repair, the rough, sand traps. There are spots that are smooth and rugged, flat and hilly, dangerous and safe.  This course took careful planning.  They just didn't sprinkle down grass seed and hope for the best.  There was measuring, planning, designing, shaping.

And this is my life, a long walk with ups and downs, hazards and greens, long stretches and beautiful views.  It has been carefully planned by the Master Designer.  I can trust Him.  My job is to abide, remain, stay the course.

I'll end with this quote, it really says it best:

Abiding in Christ is just meant for the weak, and so beautifully suited to their feebleness. It is not the doing of some great thing and does not demand that we first lead a holy and devoted life. No, it is simply weakness entrusting itself to a Mighty One to be kept—the unfaithful one casting self on One who is altogether trustworthy and true. Abiding in Him is not a work that we have to do as the condition for enjoying His salvation, but a consenting to let Him do all for us, and in us, and through us. It is a work He does for us: the fruit and the power of His redeeming love. Our part is simply to yield, to trust, and to wait for what He has engaged to perform.

~ Andrew Murray, Andrew Murray on Prayer

The 40 Day Journey (Pilot)

We traded in our cable for Netflix a few years ago.  Yesterday Daniel noticed that several TV series had the same title for one of their episodes, Pilot.  I explained to him that the first episode of a new show is often called the "Pilot".

So here is my Pilot blog for Lent.  Many of you know that Lent is a season that leads up to Easter Sunday, beginning on Ash Wednesday.  This is 40 days before Easter (not including Sundays).

I grew up in the Episcopal Church and I am grateful for so many of my rich experiences in a deeply traditional community.  Each year during Lent we gave up something in order to mediate on the very serious sacrifice Christ made for us.  We gave up chocolate, soda, TV, coffee....it had to be something that was difficult for us to give up (no giving up boiled brussel sprouts!).

I haven't kept this tradition very many times as an adult. This year I have been contemplating how to honor this season, do I give up something, do I somehow serve others daily, do I read a devotional? I've searched Pinterest and Google and nothing seemed to click, until a few hours ago.

I knew it had to be meaningful.  How can I spend my time in the most purposeful way these 40 days?  The answer was pretty easy.  Spend it with Jesus.  I've been reading a book with a couple of friends, Can You Hear Me?  Its purpose is to teach us how to listen to Jesus.  I can talk a lot to God, but listen?  Yikes, not my greatest skill.

I have noticed though, one way I hear Him is when I blog.  You see I don't just stream together a series of words hoping to inspire someone.  It is very personal.  I intentionally ask God what He wants to reveal to me.  I pray, I write, I delete, I worship, I cry, I get mad, I laugh, I hear God, then with trembling hands and a vulnerable heart I hit "publish".

So for the next 40 days, I am setting a goal of spending one hour with God every day.  Listening. They say if you aim at nothing, you are bound to hit it.  So I choose to aim at this simple goal, fixing my eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross. (Hebrews 12:2)

As a way to keep myself accountable to this commitment, I plan on blogging most of these days,  I have a feeling this will be a diverse assortment of scriptures, writings, songs, stories.  I really don't know what the result will be each day.  I do know God has promised that if I call to Him, He will answer me and tell me great and mighty things which I do not know.  (Jeremiah 33:3)

So what do you think? Is God asking you to live these next 40 days a little differently?  Ask Him, you may be surprised at the answer.

Why We Doubt

Why do we doubt?  More specifically, why do we doubt God?  Recently I have found myself in a place of unbelief.  Not an unbelief in God, I don't know if I could ever fully reject Him.  He has proven Himself too many times in my life for me to think He does not exist.  I feel myself becoming skeptical though, a little like Thomas. "I will not believe unless I see it for myself", I boast.  I want to see His hand at work, it is not enough to have His presence alone. (wrong!)

I am guessing that some of you have struggled with your own doubts.  I am naturally a "glass half full" girl, so when the darkness of doubt rolls in like the fog from the sea, it shakes me a bit.  What do I truly believe? 

Here is what I think.  I think we struggle with unbelief, I struggle...because of fear.  The opposite of unbelief is ...yes, belief.  Belief is defined as "confidence, faith, trust".  Why do we choose not to have confidence or faith in God?  I think the only answer is fear.  

I know some of you fear God's punishment, believing Him to be harsh. Some of you fear being "found out", as if we could hide from God (yes, Adam and Eve already tried that one).  Some fear the unknown.  You know what I struggle with sometimes?  I fear being over looked by God. Crazy, I know.  Completely not biblical or true.  But that is how fear works, it feeds you a lie and you choose to believe it.

And there it is.  We believe a lie instead of God.  The result: unbelief in the One that can be believed, doubting His character.

If you are in a place of doubt, I challenge you (beg you) to ask God what lie you are choosing to believe. The lie I have believed?  That Christ is not enough.  That somehow to be "whole" or "complete" I need something of this world to fulfill me.  

We sang a song in church this weekend with a line that says, "I lift my hands to believe again...You are faithful God forever".  So I choose to lift my hands, to believe again, to not fear. Not to believe the lie, but to believe God.  And there goes the doubt, fear being replaced with faith. He is always at work in my life even when I cannot see it, this I know is true.  This I believe.