Filling space

So I've tried to blog several times in the last two weeks, but my fingers won't move...they just rest on "fdsa" and "jkl;" waiting for inspiration.  Apparently I have reached my quota of great thoughts! (hahaha)

Quite frankly I've been really tired.  That's what I've wanted to say these last two weeks.  Fear has stopped me from typing those words though.  Fear of hurting someones feelings, fear of finally showing you I'm not perfect (HA!), fear of an onslaught of advice, fear that you may not ask me for a favor since now you know I'm tired. 

August 2nd, 2011 brought a drastic change in the course of our lives onto an unpaved, dark path (concealed up to that point to us, but not to the One that revealed it to us).  I think when faced with a trial you go into survival mode.  You do what needs to be done and save the reflecting for later.  Dave and I have both been looking back and shaking our heads.  What just happened?  Cancer?  Really?  Dave said he still has days where he thinks he'll wake up and none of this will have been real.

Somehow this experience seems to have put glasses on my emotions; like they are seeing more clearly, bringing "high definition" to the hills and valleys that fill each day.  Bad news breaks my heart and good news causes my heart to soar.  I think this is a good thing, but it is like my emotions are experiencing growing pains, it's good, but it hurts a little.

The bottom line is...well, I don't know.  I'm tired remember?  I think I just wanted to be honest so that if you are struggling, you know it's okay to be tired and admit it.  It doesn't need to be fixed, it's a season...a very brief moment in light of eternity actually.  We are in the home stretch and are ready for our second wind.  (I think I'll find mine in Hawaii...not sure how Dave will find his!)

Tomorrow is Round 6 of 8 chemo treatments.  Round 5 has been the hardest, let's hope it stays that way.  I'm looking forward to sitting for 4 hours.  Last week Dave gave me his recliner the last few minutes of treatment (actually, he got up to go to the bathroom and I took it, they are really comfy).  Maybe he'll share again.  Either way, I'll be sitting and resting and cheering my husband on, we're almost there!

For I, the LORD your God, hold your right hand; it is I who say to you, "Fear not, I am the one who helps you."   Isaiah 41:13