Weep and rejoice?

My fingers have sat motionless on this keyboard for several moments...it's been so long since I've blogged and I have so much to say, I just don't know where to start.

I don't think I can possibly catch up the last few months in one post, so maybe I'll tackle that on the next post.  I am just so compelled to process through yesterday for now.

Two events collided last night and left me quite emotional.  Romans 12 is so rich with wisdom for daily living, verse 15 says "Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep."  Well, that is what I did all in about 2 hours.



One of my favorites with Kim in California.

I blogged about my niece last August.  She had sent us a book, The Cancer Fighting Kitchen.  She had begun her journey with cancer just months ahead of us and was a great encouragement to us in those early days.  She lived in Hawaii with her husband and 3 beautiful daughters, near to my brother and his wife.  Long story short, her breast cancer metastasized to her brain this year.  She had been hospitalized and then was home with hospice care.  My sister Lily called weeping last night, dad had called and told her Kim had passed away.  He was so emotional, he couldn't call his other two daughters at that moment, so asked Lily to call us.  I was able to have a sweet conversation with both of my sisters and finally my dad.



Dad, Kim and Nancy (isn't she adorable!)

I experienced a new emotion as I processed through what had just happened.  Survivor Guilt.  I don't really know if that is what it is called, but Dave has been given life, and Kim death.  How is that right?  I quickly tried to combat any feelings of guilt or unworthiness with truth, with a grateful heart.  We don't know, this side of heaven why up is up and down is down.  We don't know why He gives and takes away, what we can say is Blessed be the Name of the Lord. 

So that is clearly my weeping that happened last night.  Weeping for my family, her family.  Weeping for dreams that will go unrealized for her children, all the firsts and lasts she would have experienced with them.  You all know, you have experienced loss, maybe not by death, but in other ways.  It changes us. It hurts. Yet there is healing...sometimes it's slow, but I believe it is promised.



One of our first of many times together.  Sorry about
over exposure! Yikes ;)

So the rejoicing piece.  I have another niece (I am blessed with many actually), Stephanie.  When Dave and I got married she was about five.  She has always lived in Texas and we have always lived in Washington.  Thankfully, her parents have done a great job about coming to the Northwest to see family.   Since we've met, I've always felt a connection to her...not sure what it is, but it's there.  Then Julia came along and I think Stephanie felt that connection with her.  Steph has come and stayed with us and even vacationed with us when we went to Texas a few years back.



Vacationing with the family at the beach,
french braiding Steph's hair.

Great little hotel by the River Walk.

Stephanie just got engaged a couple weeks ago and we are so thrilled.  She told Dave she was sending Julia something in the mail about the wedding (at least that's what I remember him telling me).  Yesterday Julia got a pretty pink envelope from Stephanie that says, "Julia there is no one else I'd rather have by my side, will you be my Bridesmaid".  She hand wrote a sweet note on the back.  Julia read it intently as I was begging to read it.  Her eyes seemed a little glossy, and when she finally handed it to me, I cried.  (Rejoicing tears this time)          



I had NO idea she was asking her to be a bridesmaid.  What an honor and gift for Julia, thank  you Stephanie!  I realize it's not about her, it's YOUR day, but this really is a sweet gift to our daughter. Julia and I both got to talk with Steph and get even more excited.  Julia mentioned something about getting your nails done together? : )



Cousins!  Or Bride and Bridesmaid :)

I am giddy with excitement for this couple and yet I am grieving for my other niece.  How do these two emotions reside in the same heart at the same time?  As I thought about sharing these two events, I didn't know which to share first, wanting to honor both families.  Is it okay to rejoice when another is weeping...is it okay to weep as another is rejoicing?  Yes, yes it is.  This is life...and death.  He gives and He takes away, sometimes it is over the course of our lives and sometimes it is over the course of 2 short hours.  My heart can still say, blessed be the Name of the Lord.