More Questions Than Answers

On January 1, I shared that I felt by this point in my life I would have "more answers than questions."

I also confessed that fear has stopped me from blogging. The Lord has forgiven me for choosing fear and by faith I sit again at my computer, waiting to see what the Lord has to say today. When I start my time with the Lord, I start with a prayer asking Him to meet with me and then I turn on music. I usually choose a "suggested" playlist of worship music, then ask the Lord to give me a song to focus my thoughts on Him.

Today, the first song was "Weep With Me" by Rend Collective. I was about to skip it, the sound is a little melancholy. However, I decided to listen. The third line is "I don't need answers, all I need to know is that you care for me...Lord I will wrestle with your heart but I won't let You go." (deep breath)

There you go, it is okay not to have answers (always). Some things we will release to the unknown. We choose to trust that God cares for us and rest in that truth. Yet, some things may be worth wrestling for. I am now content in having more questions than answers. How about you? Can you rest in not having the answer you desire? And if you are still restless will you persevere in seeking God, waiting for His answer? (Genesis 32:26)

We went to Canada this last weekend and toured the Parliament. This stained glass window "happened" to catch my attention (happened in quotes, since I am thinking there is purpose in every detail...another blog!). It says, "Great effects come of industry and perseverance."

I believe as we persevere in seeking God, He will allow us to be content in the unknown, or He will call us to persevere until He "answers" us. Either way, there is a "great effect." We will be closer to His heart, and isn't that our true longing? Ask away dear one, more questions than answers, what a good place to rest.

January 1 - Starting Anew

I've been wanting to blog for a long time now.

I have a theory (so many actually...). I think God has created each of us with a longing. A part of us that can only be fulfilled with one thing. For me, I believe that longing is for our Creator, God Himself. We all have tried to fill that longing with all the things of earth, chasing the wind, and while it may temporarily feel good, that desire is left unfulfilled.

Augustine wrote: You have made us for yourself, O Lord, and our heart is restless until it rests in you.

I also think that God created each of us with a way to commune with Him. We each have gifts, strengths, personality types, stories. For me, I connect with God most intimately when I blog. It is a process of working through a situation in my life or a desire to hear His voice or to make sense of a senseless situation. It is a time of worship and searching and resting in Him.

So why have I sat at this computer countless times just staring at that blinking cursor? To only walk away disappointed that the words won't be released from my fingers? When I shared this with someone yesterday, they suggested writing about not being able to write. I dismissed the idea. This morning though, the desire is still so strong, I figured, why not?

Why can't I write?
.
.
.
.
Fear
.
.
.
.
I don't think I knew that until I just asked myself that question, and waited for the answer...

Fear may be one of the biggest barriers in our longings being unfulfilled. By this age, I figured I would have more answers than questions, my life more "together" than falling apart, more clarity than confusion. What if I don't have anything to say, what if I say something that isn't true, what if my post is riddled with mistakes....what if (fill in the perpetual blank).

Calendar not shown :)

In my office at work is a large dry erase calendar. Each year it quickly gets filled with the details of managing an office. The week before Christmas, I order a new one for the new year. I put it up, and leave it completely blank from Christmas to the new year. I LOVE (like seriously....) having a completely blank calendar on my wall. For some, January 1st is just another day. For me, there is something fresh and hopeful about this day. The old is gone and the new is dawning. There is a clean slate and we can start anew.

How about you? How will you connect with God this year? What is hindering you? Will you take a few minutes now to sit quietly and listen. What is God revealing to you? I'd love to hear what He is telling you for 2020, I know He will meet you as you rest in Him!