A few days after my mom died, Julia had an orthodontist appointment. We drove the long Steilacoom-Dupont Road in silence. The only thing on my mind was the memory of my mom driving me to countless orthodontic appointments. And here I was, doing the same for Julia. In some ways it was a nice thought. However, the sweet memory was overshadowed by the fact that I could not remember my orthodontist's name. He was a kind man and made what could have been a traumatic adolescent experience a happy memory. No matter how hard I thought, his name escaped me.
As we arrived at Julia's appointment, we pulled in to the parking stall and the tears just welled up. My mom will never see Julia graduate. Where did that come from?! It was like a stark wake up call. I blinked a dozen times to capture the tears and press them back in for another time.
Fortunately that is not the end of this story. Two days later we were reading through mom's journals. We found a beautiful one from 1997. I opened this particular journal and read the following:
And there was my answer, my Orthodontist's name was Dr. Barksdale. Of all thoughts that would consume me...a name of a former doctor, then of all entries to read...only God could orchestrate something so specific.
She ends that entry with, "God give rest to his soul and strengthen his family."
And there was the second answer, mom had prayed for God to strengthen this man's family. And that is what God will do for ours. When graduation comes and my heart is sad all over again, the Lord will strengthen us, as He has done over and over again for countless others.
I don't know when the next "random" wave of grief will hit. I don't know what will trigger a soft spot in my heart. I do know I am thankful for a mom that loved others and loved God...such sweet comfort.
I love how God shows up in the seemingly little things, for you, His good and faithful servant. Praying for you as you pass on your Mom's legacy to Julia.
ReplyDeletePerfect words, TBec. I agree 100%. Love you, Nancy. Thanks for sharing your heart...... <3
DeleteSuch truth, grief cannot be rushed through, it just is, but along the way there will be sweet comfort, little moments that would never be experienced on another road. If we could choose, we would still choose the other road. The road where are loved ones were still here with us but this road will have moments of beauty, grace and comfort. You are loved.
ReplyDelete8 years since we lost our Mom and I still have those moments of grief. I am so sad that she did not get to see her first great-grandchild. Take comfort in your memories and your assurance that she is rejoicing in our Lord's presence. May He give you peace and hold your hand as you walk this very difficult road.
ReplyDeleteOh Nancy. I'm sitting here with tears in my eyes after reading this. Grief and grieving are so individual. But the Lord will always provide you comfort - in whatever shape or form needed - today and in the future.
ReplyDeleteYour writings, like your presence, are such a blessing. Know that your blog, like you mom's journal, gives others comfort, today and into the future.
Blessings, my friend, blessings and comfort from earth and heaven, be yours - pressed down and overflowing.
I don't Journal, occasionally I think I should and I start and then I read it months later and realize... I don't want people reading that later in life.... So I rip it out and toss it. Maybe its good I Blog.. people already read that and I am ok with it! <3 Your moms journal sounds like such a blessing! <3 Sending love my friend!
ReplyDelete